At the beginning of every year, I like to sit down… think and reflect! And then make a list of what I want to accomplish for the year ahead. Over the break I sat down and thought about what I’d like to do this year. Here are my goals from 2021, and then here are my goals for 2022. (And a mid-year check-in with how I did!) This year, I decided I would only make fun goals. What are your goals this year?

Goals for 2023

Host six dinner parties

One of the things I am most excited about is having a proper space to have dinner parties and entertain. The space isn’t quite finished but it will be soon. I think throwing a dinner party every other month should be doable!

Take running seriously(ish).

OK so I may even be doing this one? It was a goal last year and I was doing SO well with it and then I got COVID in the Spring and my cardiovascular system was shot for months. Then it was summer and I was traveling a bunch, then it was Fall and I was getting ready to move, and now here we are. But I got a Peloton treadmill in early December and love it. Right now I am a part of a 5k training program and I’m enjoying it – and seeing great results. I’m only 4 weeks into the program but feel like I have made a lot of progress.

Finish the AFI 100 list

I owe you an AFI 100 update! I am about 60 deep right now. I’d said I wasn’t assigning a timeline to the goal but I’d really love to finish the list this year.

Be a “regular” at a handful of favorite restaurants.

I love the idea of having a few regular spots where they know my name, making standing reservations, etc. I feel like that at Crudo e Nudo in Santa Monica. We have a favorite sushi spot (Sushi King!) and have decided we want to be regulars with a sake bottle on the wall there. And here in Charleston I want that spot to be Vern’s!

Read more books that expand my mind.

I couldn’t really think of a way to phrase this. Reading for me can be an escape. I personally find reading a mystery or thriller will take my mind off of whatever problem might be going on in my life. And that is great, I am thankful to have something like that as an escape or way to cope with stress. But I’d like to read more books that make me think. Like Cloud Cuckoo Land or The Rabbit Hutch.

Finish my house.

We are getting there. I think that my dining room might be finished by the end of February. My downstairs curtains should all come this month, the gallery wall is coming together, my chairs and credenza both came before the break! I still have a lot to do especially with the porch area and the fabrics upstairs but I am taking it slowly doing a little bit every month as the expenses add up quickly!

Be better at honoring my homebody side.

I really struggle as I am an extroverted introvert who gets FOMO, misses her friends, and wants to be invited to things. That being said, I just don’t like having plans all the time. I love being home. I am also a people pleaser and have a hard time saying no, especially if I am saying no and don’t have plans. It is hard when I have family dinners usually twice a week, a long distance relationship, and a few very different friend groups. I am going to really make an effort to say no more and focus on the things that really matter: family, boyfriend, close friendships (and one on one/small group hangs as opposed to going to a million events and parties!). And those little dinner parties.

Play more Pickle Ball.

I have discovered that I really like pickle ball. I played a few times this year and had a blast. And I was even (kind of?) good thanks to tennis lessons as a kid. It’s really fun, like a combination of tennis and ping pong. I’d like to play more, maybe find a spot to take lessons.

Work Goals.

I am feeling very good about work! I have a lot of great brand projects lined up through March. My Addison Bay collection launches in April. The site is in great shape thanks to my redesign. I want to keep building this community. I don’t care so much about growing my audience as much as I care about doing a good job catering to the people who already follow me/read here. And on the creative side I am working every week to push my creative skills and better plan/execute every photo and video shoot! I do need to hire a part time assistant (local to Charleston) and will be posting a job description sometime this month. Now that I am settled into my house and have the space, and have room for another person to work alongside me, it’s TIME!

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Making an Enemy out of Envy

Are you tired of me talking about Jerry Saltz yet? I guess I haven’t had a lot going on besides settling into the house and working on my gift guides. But man – I really enjoyed that lecture! I wanted to talk about something he brought up because over the weekend I listened to this really incredible conversation between him and David Chang. (I loved this podcast episode so much, it’s three years old but so relevant: a great chat about art and food but much more than that – I think anyone who listens will get a lot out of it, no matter their career). One thing that he touched on (that also came up during the lecture) was the idea of “making an enemy out of envy.” I really love this sentiment.

When I was in my twenties and early thirties I felt a lot of envy.

I was in a relationship and all of our friends were getting married. We had weddings and baby showers basically every weekend. I felt really jealous, watching all of my friends settle down, so certain in their next steps. I wanted to be where they were. Meanwhile, my own relationship was falling apart. Perspective comes with age. Ten years later, I feel really grateful that I didn’t get what I wanted. That boyfriend and I broke up but if we had stayed together, I know for certain that my life would be very different than it is today. I wouldn’t have put the energy I did into the blog so I probably never would have been able to do it full time.

I would be much less confident. And I wouldn’t have made the group of friends (who have become best friends) I made post-breakup. I would probably not know how great Charleston is. I definitely wouldn’t live here, and I certainly wouldn’t have saved up enough money to buy my own house. If I had married that guy I would probably have moved out of the city, had some kids because that is what people were doing, quit my job because that’s what his friends’ wives did, been financially dependent on him, and wound up divorced a few years later. I remember my friends telling me that I dodged a bullet, but I didn’t really see it until years later.

Envy comes from looking at someone else’s path and wishing it was your path.

The grass is always greener. What other people have always looks better than what is right here in front of us. I think envy goes away when you get really clear on who you are and what you want. I have struggled a lot but over the past couple years I got the things I wanted most: a relationship and a house. It puts all those bad thoughts my previous self had into perspective (sometimes the thing you want most is not what you actually need; better things are waiting for you).

Of course, my relationship could end and I could go broke and have to sell my house: you never really know what will happen in the future but that is an entirely different conversation. I am trying to be better at appreciating what I have as opposed to worrying that I’m going to lose it.

As I have gotten older I have for the most part gotten less envious.

I do get envious about silly things. I see Emily Ratajkowski’s torso and wonder what it even feels like to have a torso that long and slender. Where do her intestines and organs even fit? I see 27 year olds having so much success on social media or dancing on TikTok (while I remain the least coordinated person alive).

I am envious of the amount of energy that people even five years younger than me have. I’m envious of extroverts… what does it feel like to be energized from being in a big group!? I am envious of people who can tell a really great story. Or of friends who are genuinely just so funny. When I tell a story (speaking, not writing) my thoughts meander and I often wind up lost. I wish I were funnier, and I wish I were a better story teller.

When my sister and her husband bought their house (about six months before I did), I felt envious. I talked about the house hunt on social media a bit this week and it was really rough. She found her house much more quickly than I did. But she was also much more clear on what she wanted where I was really all over the place, wavering between buying and waiting, a house vs. a condo, etc.

I get a little career envy from time to time.

I love what I do so it is more “job title envy” than career envy. Sometimes I wish I could just say I was the vice president of marketing for a brand, or the founder of something. I know my job is legitimate, I know how hard I work. But to most people “blogger” or worse, “influencer” is perceived as a joke job. Even if I am working my tail off and feeling really psyched about what I am doing, there is still a little pang. I love what I do but I do care about what others think. And I want to be perceived as smart and hard-working.

When I make a new acquaintance, I typically tell them I am a writer or in digital marketing. If I feel like they are someone I will see again and again, I say that I run a “small women’s lifestyle website.” All of these things are true but they are just facets of my job. It is both a hard pill to swallow AND a little bit refreshing to realize that my job will always be seen (at least by people who don’t know me) as dumb and shallow. (It’s refreshing because once you acknowledge you will never be able to change something, you make a certain peace with it?).

The way I combat that is to just accept it, but also, something I saw on the Internet one time.

“Focus on the things that feel good, not the things that look good.”

Or something like that! Doing the thing that feels good on the inside should be more important than doing the thing that looks good on the outside.

It all really goes back to knowing yourself (or learning yourself if you feel like you don’t yet know yourself – that is okay too!) and your own path. Focusing on YOU, what makes you happy, what feels good to you (vs. what looks good and/or what everyone else is doing). And trusting in the universe a little bit. Anyway, that’s the talk today. Make an enemy out of envy. And listen to the podcast episode, it’s really wonderful.

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Saying Hi.

I thought it would be nice to just take a beat, chat, and say hi. Everything has felt so rushed and frantic, it feels nice to just sit down and write. I had a calm and cozy weekend. I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel of unpacking and sorting and putting things away. And I can’t believe I’ve been in the house for a full week; the past week and a half has been a complete whirlwind. I had been anticipating it with a mix of excitement (new house, yay!) and dread (ugh moving is horrible, I just did this 18 months ago!) but mostly excitement. And now that the hardest part is mostly over, it is just so nice to be here.

I am so happy.

I am obviously not the first person to buy a home (lol) but truly, everything is so exciting and magical. It is such a good feeling. I didn’t expect the peace I would feel in being here. Even though there is so much to do, I feel such a wonderful sense of calm. I think that is a combination of the house itself being so quiet and peaceful, and the relief that comes when the thing you are really dreaded doing (moving) is complete.

I really love my neighborhood. It’s safe and cozy and a little bit sleepy compared to everywhere else I’ve ever lived. It is truly wonderful to be able to go for walks at night and it’s so close to one of my favorite coffee shops. As for the house itself, every day I find something new to delight in. Either something gets fixed, hung up, or installed which feels like Christmas (the shelves went up in the kitchen on Friday night: pure JOY!), or I discover something fun like how the old owner had electric outlets installed under the sink (completely brilliant!). Little micro-joys.

Other micro-joys:

Doing my workouts outside in the courtyard (the perfect hybrid of not having to go far or pay for a gym membership, but not being cooped up inside). There is a single palm tree back there and I was stretching on the ground. I looked up to see the sun peeking through its leaves and smiled and thought to myself, “that’s my palm tree!” The fountain. I love the fountain. The old owners had installed one and it the sound of the water is so blissfully calming. I can hear it as I’m falling asleep. I can hear it from the screen porch in the morning as I work and let Tyrion roam. Fountains rule.

There is also just this feeling of being a badass. Or maybe just an adult, not a badass. Silly things like changing my air filters (and setting a monthly reminder to do so). Hanging up art. Feeling like, “I bought this myself and I can do anything.” After twenty years of renting (24 if you count dorm life!) it feels great to put down roots and have something that feels a little more permanent.

On the other side of the coin I am terribly behind on work and emails and have barely started my gift guides (launching next week), but I’m doing my best. It will all get done, bit by bit.

Everything is overwhelming but everything is also wonderful.

I am so happy to be here and getting settled. Today, a handyman is coming over to hang my mirrors and move some furniture. The HVAC is also getting fixed (praise be: it’s still in the eighties here in Charleston so the top floor has been toasty!) I’ve had a few friends over for casual drinks and tonight my family is coming over for my sister’s birthday dinner. I am really excited to have them over. I bought some nice cheeses and am making a big salad. (My dad handled the main course: homemade lasagna!).

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Do You Have a “Shame Room?”

Maybe a month or so ago, I showed my guest bedroom in total shambles as it is my cat’s absolute favorite place to hang out when it is messy. (It will never not crack me up how much my fancy cat loves a mess.) I usually keep the guest room pretty tidy but it was chaos that day. The glimpse of my less than perfect guest room provoked a handful of reader DM’s… how funny would it be to do a post about our “shame rooms.” Maybe that’s not the right word for it, but you know what I mean: the rooms of our homes that we don’t share with our friends, let alone social media!

The guest room actually isn’t even my shame room. It’s this closet. My current apartment has two really big closets. One is perfectly organized and holds all of my clothes. You are probably familiar with that one, as I show it frequently. The other one? Not so much. It’s become a landing pad for out-of-season clothes, giveaways, pet supplies, luggage… pretty much anything and everything. This week, one of my pre-move projects is to go through it all and get it organized.

The truth is, I will really miss this room. The new house is beautiful but it has very limited closet space. I am kind of nervous about where I will put all of the stuff I don’t regularly use. I guess we will see… it’s going to be interesting, that’s for sure!

Tell me about the places in your home you don’t share/let anyone see!

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Today is my 41st birthday. Last year was a big one so we are keeping things simple and easy this year. No big party, a few small dinners with different friend groups. I am also coming off a kind of wild and crazy (at least wild and crazy for our 40-something crew!) weekend for one of my best friends’ birthdays. My boyfriend is here and we are taking a half day and getting massages and then having dinner with my parents. A nice relaxed day.

Last week, I read this quote in the James Clear newsletter and it really resonated with me, so I thought I’d share it!

“Whatever age you are today, your future self would love to be it.

Most people do not consider 65 to be a young age… but when you’re 75, you’d love to rewind to 65 and regain those years. Few people would describe 35 as your youth, but in your mid-50s your mid-30s will seem like the “young you.”

Today is a great opportunity, no matter your age. Looking back in a few years, today will seem like the time when you were young and full of potential or the moment when you could have started early or the turning point when you made a choice that benefited your future.

The moment in front of you right now is a good one. Make the most of it.”

Makes you think, right!?

PS – for a laugh, here is the post I wrote on my 31st birthday. Cringing at a lot of it but it’s fun to have a record of these things!

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In the spirit of getting to know each other a bit better (and starting the work week with a little positivity_… What’s the best/your favorite part of your job? I was thinking about the best parts of my job (more on that below) but would love to hear what do you do for a living… and what is your favorite thing about that?

The best part of my job…

Honestly, there are a lot of things!

Just out of practicality, the number one best thing is the flexibility.

I love being able to do my job on my own time. So I can work out mid-day, run errands when it’s least crowded, etc. I am a night person and some nights I am up really late working (I don’t mind, I’m a night owl and it’s when I feel my most creative) and others I will take a random half day. Last week we took part of the day off to go to the Van Gogh experience and I never would have been able to do that.

The quiet.

I am an introvert and also easily overstimulated so I really value being able to work at home in a quiet space. Along those lines, the control over my schedule. I found that the higher I got as I climbed the rungs at my old day jobs, the more meetings I was required to attend. I like being able to pick and choose what I go to, as I’d rather be at my desk writing or creating other content. And I have someone managing my partnerships so I am rarely on the phone with brands unless it is to discuss the creative elements of a partnership. I really value that. I didn’t really think about this until my boyfriend and I got together: he is always on the phone for work. Back to back calls and zooms.

This community.

The Facebook group, especially. Some times I will be having a bad day or get a terrible DM and then I will go onto the Facebook group and see the conversations happening and just feel so happy. It (you) is such an incredible group of women and I feel lucky to be your ringleader.

Tell me yours in the comments!

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It’s a little bit past mid-year but better late than never: I wanted to give you a little update on how I have been doing with my 2022 goals. It is wild to me that we are already 7 months into 2022. I’ve hit some of my goals and completely forgotten about others, but overall am feeling pretty good about how 2022 is going. If you feel comfortable sharing, I’d love to hear how you are doing with your goals.

2022 GOALS Check-in.

At the beginning of the year, I had mentioned that my biggest goal was to slow down. To pause and savor life’s littler moments in my personal life and to be more intentional about everything I do professionally. To have less little things on my plate so that I can focus on the bigger picture. I am, overall feeling really good about both of those things. I have felt a lot more present in my personal life, and much more intentional with work. I’ve also stopped rushing so much.

Things I want to do this year:

Be able to run 3 miles in a breezy way.

I am sad to tell you that I am not here yet. I was basicaly there and then COVID kicked the living daylights out of me. And I just haven’t been running. I ran a little bit while I was in LA but my goal is to get back on track next week. I am not beating myself up over this. There are 5 months left in the year, and sometimes there are just things you can’t control, like getting really sick. It’s frustrating as I was so colse and then got totally knocked down. I couldn’t exercise for about two weeks and for the following two weeks just did baby workouts. I’m only just now getting back to my harder workouts with my trainer; running is next!

Be a little bit bored.

This goal might sound a little bit funny but it came from reading this book, Bored and Brilliant. The idea is to not fill every second with work/activities/etc. Reclaiming the idea of spacing out, which is often (at least for me) when the best ideas come. At the beginning of the year I was feeling like there was just too much on my plate. Stepping back from the podcast was not easy but is the best thing I have done for myself and sanity in a long time. I think there is a good lesson here: to be intentional and take stock of every single thing in your life.

There will always be elements of any job or life that are less fulfilling or you don’t enjoy (for me it’s all the accounting stuff, recording sponsored instagram stories, reviewing contracts) that you will always have to do in order to you know, survive and be an adult. But if it’s draining you and you don’t actually need to do it to live, why keep doing it? Even if it’s something you really loved at some point, it is okay to let it go. Move on, you will free up space for your next big idea or project, even if you’re not sure what it is.

Anyway, I was “bored” for about a month, right now I am not bored. The 5 hours a week I spent on the podcast has been invested back into the blog and newsletter, creating better video content (you will see the fruits of that in the next few weeks), improving my photography, and getting more involved with politics down here. But I don’t need to be bored, everything I’m working on right now feels really exciting.

Build out a better morning routine.

I did nothing here. And I still hate mornings. I do love starting my day with an audiobook though.

Learn to drive.

I still have 5 months. I did not expect to be a homeowner before a licensed driver but here we are. I’m going to do it, I would really like to be driving by the time I move in. This doesn’t bother me that much though. I still (even in the heat) walk pretty much everywhere and get a ride or uber everywhere else. I know my uber bill is wayyyy lower than a car payment and insurance could ever be. A weird justification, but it will happen.

A thing I want to stop doing this year:

Spending too much time on social media.

It’s gotten a little bit better. But not much. My screen time is down, but maybe an hour a day? Step by step. I have a post-it note that says “create more than you consume.” Some days I’m really focused and other days I just find myself doomscrolling.

On the work front:

A big, bold blog redesign.

I DID IT! I am so proud of how it looks. More about the redesign in this post.

Grow my email newsletter.

My email newsletter is a big focus right now. Transparently, it hasn’t grown much, but I haven’t put much effort into marketing it/growing it. Honestly, I was so focused on just getting the content to a place I liked (we switched providers which has been very helpful!) that I felt proud of. Now that the content is in the right place I am going to look into different ways to market it. Along those lines, you can sign up here if you’d like!

Pushing myself creatively.

YES! I feel really happy about this. My friend Laura and I have been shooting regularly and I absolutely love working with her. I find that we just work really well together. Same goes for reels, I hired a younger friend to help me out with filming and editing those. All of these things require more time and planning and I think having fewer things on my plate has allowed for that.

Shallow Stuff:

Dry brush regularly.

I am doing medium with this. I always feel so good when I do it (it’s great for your skin and also your body’s health) but sometimes I forget. Hey. It’s a silly goal anyway. You can read more about the benefits of dry brushing in this blog post!

Take better care of my hair.

I’m feeling good about this one too. I never thought I would cut my hair this short but it has made my life so much easier, and it looks cuter than I thought it would. I can blow it out with the Airwrap (I just use the round brush attachment) in 15 minutes or so which is wild to me. Charleston’s humidity is not great hair weather but it’s still long enough to tie back into a bun.

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Some Friday Ramblings

Do you ever just feel… tragically uncool?

I think there comes a time as you get older where you start to age out of popular culture and what’s considered “cool.” I have felt this way for a long time with music (my taste has always been more in line with my 70 year old father’s), but the sensation is percolating into other areas. Movies, TV, fashion trends! Of course there is that whole skinny jeans and side parts thing (so silly) but I just feel it so much these days. I am okay with it, I like the things I like, and those things don’t have to be popular. Heck, I don’t want to like all the things everyone else likes, that sounds boring. But the divide between what I love and what is trending only seems to be widening.

I read a book a couple weeks ago and a girlfriend laughed and said, “Oh I was certain that one would be too Gen Z for you!” She was correct. And don’t get me started on the fashion. This article! I can’t. All the nineties stuff that I wore back in high school. I have to imagine that this is how my mom felt, back in 1999 when all that I wanted was a pair of MUDD flare jeans and she cringed, remembering her seventies bell bottoms.

Speaking of uncool, one of my most embarrassing traits is that noise bothers me more and more.

This started in my mid thirties and has gotten worse with age. I think about going to the mall with my parents in high school and how they would wait outside of Abercrombie as it was too loud for them. If I had a kid today, I would be the same. I use the word “overstimulated” too much but it’s the only good word I have for it. If a place is too loud, or (maybe even worse) the table next to me is loud, I really struggle: I get distracted, I cannot focus on the conversation, my head starts to pound, it is awful.

Best case, I feel irritable. Worst case, I feel myself start to actually panic and need to leave. And then on top of that I also feel awful, because in addition to being bothered by the noise I am bothered with myself for being the un-fun friend who gets annoyed by such things. Usually I bite my tongue, sometimes I snap.

I’ve struggled with social anxiety for ages now but the pandemic made it even worse.

Saying that I am awkward is being kind. I sometimes just don’t know how to talk to people, especially new people, and even more in a large group. Over time I have figured out how to manage it. I have sneaky things I do that help me. When I get overwhelmed, I’ll sneak off to a bathroom or a quiet corner and just chill out a little.. usually closing my eyes for a little bit, scrolling Instagram as a distraction, or just sitting in the quiet.

Before an event or party I brush up on news and pop culture (usually a quick scroll of Air Mail, Us Weekly, and the New York Times gives me the perfect mashup of highbrow/lowbrow) and keep 3-4 topics in my head to discuss in case I get to that place where I feel like I am just staring awkwardly at the other person. If I know who is invited to the party, I will google them beforehand. Truly, I prepare for events the way that some people prepare for a test. (And that’s in addition to making myself look presentable… an entirely different endeavor all its own).

I had two really good social situations this past week. Both were things I was initially nervous about, both ended up being wonderful.

The first was the event I hosted with a brand last week.

Hosting events for brands is fun but also high pressure. I worry about my friends/the invitees having fun. I stress over the event details, wanting everything to be perfect (and something people will want to take photos of… after all, the success of most influencer events is measured by the level of social sharing!). Simultaneously, I worry about the brand being happy. Will enough people come? Will there be enough social sharing? Did I personally remember to take enough photos and post? Did I take videos and not just photos? How many glasses of wine have I had? I could go on with the list of worries.

This time around, my boyfriend was here visiting.

I wanted to bring him to the event (we had limited time together) and he wanted to come (he was genuinely so excited to see me in action for work which melted my heart a little). But how would he fare in a room full of 40 women? Would he have fun? Would it be considered lame to bring him? Or would he be a distraction? I just went with it and it was great. He already knew a good chunk of the attendees and is an extrovert and talked to everyone. He also helped me take photos and videos for Instagram, etc. which was really, really nice. It was honestly the best.

In reflecting back on the night, I realized I felt a lot less anxious than I usually do in social situations. I think that’s because I felt really supported having him there. This could be a whole other post but I have a feeling that this is why introverts and extroverts connect so well (everyone I’ve ever seriously dated has been an extrovert, I am more introverted!). The balance each other out nicely.

The other thing that happened was a friend’s party for Spoleto on Saturday night.

(Spoleto is Charleston’s big performing arts festival, this past weekend was the end of it). I was really nervous about this one. The only person I knew well was the host of the party. I knew he was going to be busy and didn’t want to lean on him too much. I did my usual things to prepare. Since it was an arts related event, I read up on the festival and who had performed that week. I had a few films and artists in my back pocket to talk about. I wore a dress with a cool design on it that was a conversation starter.

The night ended up being one of my top 5 or 10 nights in Charleston!

I talked to a group of girls I already knew and liked but wasn’t close with. Phone numbers were exchanged and I feel like we became better friends. I spotted a local gallery owner I like and admire and talked to her and her mother for a lot of the night. I bumped into a couple I’d met once and talked to them for hours. Then I had the most amazing conversation with an older woman (she turned out to be my friends’ neighbor!) who regaled me with stories of opening for Eric Clapton and Jimi Hendrix back in the day. I became friendly with the festival’s director of development and offered to volunteer next year. And then afterwards, the gallery owner, my friend (the host), and a few new friends closed things down with wine on the porch until waayyyy too late. It was so much fun.

In a way, my low expectations for the night (and being alone) pushed me to be more social and get out of my little bubble and comfort zone. I am not sure I would have had such a fun night (and met so many people) if I had gone with my usual group of friends. What’s the quote?

I always like to have a takeaway and I think that the takeaway is to just remember be more open and go with the flow. (Way easier said than done!)

For the work event, I would have typically preferred to go alone but had a better time because my bf was there. For the other event, I would have typically preferred to go with my usual crew but had a better time because I talked to new people and got out of my bubble. The thing you think you want may actually not be the thing you need. Life is funny like that.

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If you are here (and I highly encourage you to visit on your computer), the site probably looks a little bit different! That is because my new site is finally here!!!! I looked back on emails and we started working on this at the end of January.

Aesthetically, it was just time. I didn’t mind the structure and flow of my old site. It functioned well and was easy to navigate. So many sites get redesigned and it is hard to find things. I didn’t want that to be the case. I was feeling tired of the colors and branding… and felt like the fonts were looking very 2015 (my last big redesign!). The millennial pink links, etc etc. My blog is still my most important channel and where I spend the bulk of my efforts. I want my site to reflect that!

My biggest challenge to Victoria (my incredible designer) was that I wanted to add more color to the site, but in a way that would feel sophisticated and upscale and also not overboard since I feature a lot of colorful outfits and projects. It was a pretty big challenge if you ask me, and she more than rose to the challenge. I am obsessed. The site now incorporates four colors (my signature green, a burgundy, a mustard yellow, and a cobalt blue).

The {New} Stripe!

Meet The Library, now searchable!

The biggest content change is that we gave the book club page (now “the library”) a pretty big makeover. It may not look like much but the biggest request I have been getting has been a separate search within the books page. This was very complicated on the dev side making it a lot of work for Lisa (my amazing developer who can build pretty much anything). Building in a search separate from the main search is no joke!

It was also a lot of work for me, adding separate author tags for every book (over 7 years of adding about 80 books a year has made this a PROJECT!). Spend some time playing around on this page, I am thrilled with it! This is probably obvious but you have to click on the book to read the description. And just like before, you can filter by genre, and sort by grade (or most recent) to find your perfect book!

The new shop page 

We have a new shop page. This is very simple. I am only going to add maybe a couple things every week. An easy place to add my most asked about products. I don’t want to overload you with stuff so this will just be the items I get a lot of DMs about, etc!

More content on the home page

I have been blogging for twelve years and post six days a week so it was important to me to make the site a) really easy to navigate (check out the new pocket menu at the top, it’s so cool!) b) super easy for you to find whatever it is you are looking for, and c) packed with posts so that things don’t get pushed off the home page too quickly. I know that most of you come here once or twice a week, not every day, so that is important to me.

The beauty hub

This is the same as before but I always like to call out that it exists. Here, you can find product order, my exact routine FAQ’s, latest empties, and more. We built this as a direct response to all of the skincare questions on Instagram! Bookmark it: The Beauty Hub!

In closing…

I hope you love the new site as much as I do. I am fully obsessed.

This is also very sentimental. Victoria is one of my first friends through blogging. You may remember her from her vmac+cheese days. We have known each other since maybe 2010, 2011? Back then we used to have phone calls about blogging and how we’d grow our sites (we did a lot of guest posting for each other, haha). When she started focusing on graphic design I hired her to do my rebrand my site from Stripes & Sequins (RIP) to The Stripe back in 2015. I think I was her first blogger site design. Victoria is now going in house with one of her brand clients, so this will be her last blog design. Though, we can’t quit each other, and I don’t see myself ever stopping blogging so I told her to be prepared for me to reach back out in a few years!

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The Joy of Rest

I have been resting a lot, and because of that I am thinking a lot about rest. One of the things I am really proud of from this year is getting better at resting and prioritizing downtime. I will caveat: there is still a part of me that is horrified by this. That part of me screams: “lazy, lazy!!!!”

Rest is of course, a luxury. I worked in a traditional office for twelve years and recognize that my job now has a level of flexibility that most people do not have. I am in charge of my schedule and should be able to properly prioritize rest. That being said, being self-employed has its own set of challenges. There is at times a pressure to say yes to everything because you don’t know if/when things could dry up. And when you are pretty much a one-person show the deadline is the deadline. And if the work does not get done by the deadline, no one else can do it for me: I won’t get paid. In the scheme of things, I have it easier than most people: no kids, no real “boss,” flexibility. Still, I’ve had a hard time prioritizing rest.

In the past, if I got sick I would work through it.

I think there is a little bit of guilt here which probably stems from the very early days of my career. I had a series of bosses who either came to work really sick themselves or rolled their eyes/didn’t believe me when I was sick. And I was young and impressionable and that was what was modeled for me… it made a lasting impression! So I have, or at least have had in the past, a hard time letting myself rest. If I am being honest, there is a part of me that loves (or hopefully loveD) being a martyr. The person who works through illness, etc. because she is such a hard worker. The yes person. The dependable one. The one who puts work ahead of everything else.

A girlfriend was talking about herself and referred to this as a symptom of wanting gold stars, and that really resonated. The 12 years I spent working in the corporate world made me a sucker for a gold star. Yes, yes, yes! I will do all the things, give me my gold star. Hearing a higher up say how grateful they were to me for working all night to get something done was like catnip. Especially if it was in front of the whole team. It felt good. I craved that dopamine hit.

But at what cost? Your health. Your sanity. Your relationships. And probably a lot more.

Over time I have come to see rest as an investment in myself.

If I am rested, I will be able to think more clearly, make better decisions, and be more efficient. When I am well-rested I am more effective at my job. I am less irritable and a nicer person to be around. I am less likely to make stupid typos and silly mistakes. I’m happier. I am healthier (and in a better mindset to make healthier choices, i.e. making a big salad for dinner vs. frozen pizza).

This is just something that has been on my mind a lot, so I thought I would share it here. COVID really knocked me down. I was proud of myself for resting through it. There were nights I slept 14 hours (and that little voice in my head told me I was lazy and gross but that voice is getting quieter).

All of this to say, I am seeing the value more and more of slowing down. Of skipping power yoga in favor of a slower restorative or yin class. Of long neighborhood walks vs. sprints on the treadmill. Of saying no to dinner or an event not because I have a conflict but because I need a night in. Of just… taking better care of myself. I realize I am probably preaching to the choir here but for anyone who needs it (including myself): taking care of yourself and listening to your body does not make you lazy. Rest is an investment in yourself. I am slowly reforming my love of gold stars and coming to find a lot of joy in rest. I am still a work in progress, but a more rested work in progress.

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